He3isthekey

I'm a modern man, A man for the millennium, Digital and smoke free.

A diversified multicultural postmodern deconstructionist, Politically
anatomically and ecologically incorrect.

I've been uplinked and downloaded. I've been inputted and outsourced. I
know the upside of downsizing. I know the downside of upgrading.

I'm a high tech lowlife. A cutting edge state-of-the-art bicoastal
multitasker, And I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond.

I'm new wave but I'm old school, And my inner child is outward bound.

I'm a hot wired heat seeking warm hearted cool customer, Voice activated
and biodegradable.

I interface from a database, And my database is in cyberspace, So I'm
interactive, I'm hyperactive, And from time-to-time, I'm radioactive.

Behind the eight ball, Ahead of the curve, Riding the wave, Dodging a
bullet, Pushing the envelope.

I'm on point, On task, On message, And off drugs. I got no need for coke
and speed, I got no urge to binge and purge.

I'm in the moment, On the edge, Over the top, But under the radar.

A high concept, Low profile, Medium range ballistic missionary. A
street-wise smart bomb. A top gun bottom feeder.

I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps, I run victory
laps.

I'm a totally ongoing bigfoot slam dunk rainmaker with a proactive
outreach. A raging workaholic. A working ragaholic. Out of rehab, And in
denial.

I got a personal trainer, A personal shopper, A personal assistant, And a
personal agenda.

You can't shut me up, You can't dumb me down. 'Cause I'm tireless, And I'm
wireless. I'm an alpha male on beta blockers.

I'm a non-believer and an over-achiever. Laid back but fashion forward.

Up front, Down home, Low rent, High maintenance.

Super size, Long lasting, High definition, Fast acting, Oven ready, And
built to last.

I'm a hands on, Foot loose, Knee jerk, Head case.

Prematurely post traumatic, And I have a love child who sends me hate
mail.

But I'm feeling, I'm caring, I'm healing, I'm sharing. A supportive
bonding nurturing primary care giver.

My output is down, But my income is up. I take a short position on the
long bond, And my revenue stream has its own cash flow.

I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds, I watch trash sports.

I'm gender specific, Capital intensive, User friendly, And lactose
intolerant.

I like rough sex. I like rough sex. I like tough love. I use the f word in
my email, And the software on my hard drive is hard core, no soft porn.

I bought a microwave at a mini mall. I bought a mini van in a mega store.
I eat fast food in the slow lane.

I'm toll free, Bite sized, Ready to wear, And I come in all sizes.

A fully equipped, Factory authorized, Hospital tested, Clinically proven,
Scientifically formulated medical miracle.

I've been pre-washed, Pre-cooked, Pre-heated, Pre-screened, Pre-approved,
Pre-packaged, Post-dated, Freeze-dried, Double-wrapped, Vacuum-packed, And I
have an unlimited broadband capacity.

I'm a rude dude, But I'm the real deal. Lean and mean. Cocked, locked and
ready to rock. Rough tough and hard to bluff.

I take it slow. I go with the flow. I ride with the tide. I got glide in
my stride.

Drivin' and movin', Sailin' and spinnin', Jivin' and groovin', Wailin' and
winnin'.

I don't snooze, So I don't lose. I keep the pedal to the metal, And the
rubber on the road.

I party hearty, And lunch time is crunch time.

I'm hanging in, There ain't no doubt. And I'm hanging tough, Over and out.

-George Carlin, Life Is Worth Losing, Beacon Theater, HBO